Second Dr.'s visit

I had my follow up visit with the Dr. yesterday. By his scale I had lost 5.8 lbs. Pretty good for one week. He cautioned that my average loss would be more in the 2-3lb range. He also wanted me to change the times that I take some of my supplements to see if I could be less hungry in the afternoons, my hungriest time. If that doesn't work, I am to try doubling my phentermine dose. I tried the supplement switch today and found my hunger to be about the same. It isn't horrid. I just get a bit preoccupied with what I am having for dinner and want it early. The funny thing is that when I start eating dinner I fill up pretty fast. I could only eat about half my salad tonight. It just lost all of it's appeal..... I have always been a member of the clean-plate club, so this is amazing to me.

Tomorrow I will keep with the supplement time switch and see what the effects are. Other than that, not much new. I am in love with the Proti protien bars they sell at the Dr.'s. They are delicious, 150 calories and 15 grams of protien. I had one of the otc protein bars I had left for breakfast and it was GAGGY. I choked it down because it is food and it wasn't cheap, but it was horrid.

food today:

180 cal protien bar
150 cal protien bar
90 cal chicken soup mix
200 cal. turkey
lettuce
tomato
pickled cauliflower
30 cal salad dressing
110 cal protien drink

Not bad for today. No workout. It is really hard to fit it in a weekend day!

The Week in Retrospect....

One week down in my journey. In the last two days I have lost a small, small, small .2 lbs. Down is good and I expect I will have another, more significant drop if I stay focused on my eating. It has been interesting how emotional it has been to not have food to turn to. I am an emotional eater. I tend to reward myself with food. I had one of those "ah ha" moments yesterday. I was spending time with my horse and really enjoying myself. I tend to rush through his workouts or skip working him in favor of the horses I am obligated to work with.

I realized that I don't reward myself with doing the things that make me happy.

I don't take time with my kids or animals or husband which I love to do.

I over obligate myself and rush through life. People think I take good care of myself because I often spend money on "things" these things and food don't fill the emptiness inside me left by neglecting my relationships with those I love. I try to do for others to win accolades and think that by running myself ragged I will be happy. Doing this only seems to make others take you for granted and not make me happy or gain their respect and love.

I often feel alone and sad in my life. I am surrounded by people clamoring for my attention and asking for more more more more more. I feel empty and like there is nothing left inside me. When I get to this point I tend to shut down. I run from the people I need the most.

I am going to try this week to be more open to honesty in how I am feeling in my relationships. I am not going to obligate myself to do things that I physically and emotionally can't do. I am going to face the emotions that this makes me feel and not hide or drown them with food.

Eating less is easy, excising is simple. Dealing with the reasons we eat and leaving the comfort that the habit of eating has provided is so hard. If I can't wrestle this and succeed I will never triumph in this battle......

Recipe---Fat Free Cabbage Saute

In a large skillet with lid, combine the following over high heat

1/2 cup water
1/2 head red or purple cabbage
1/2 large red onion
2 cloves garlic

Simmer with lid on until cabbage and onion are soft. Remove lid and stir until moisture is evaporated. Add

1/8 cup balsamic or rice wine vinegar
Salt and pepper to taste

Stir and serve warm.

Busy Day

I had one of those days today where you run around like a chicken with their head cut off and don't actually accomplish anything! I woke this morning, weighed (down another pound yippee!), went downstairs for my vitamins, pills and coffee and from there my day became the rush, rush, rush to nothing sort of day. I had an appointment to take a horse to Canada for some people to look at it. I rushed to get my daughter's hair fixed and outfit picked out before throwing clothes on myself and heading to the barn. I groomed the horse in question for one hour! She looked fabulous, then I waited....... The person trailering us up was running late, the friend going along for the ride was running late. Finally we arrive to find the trainers we were meeting weren't even at their facility yet......so we waited......When they finally arrived it was to tell us the client they had to try the horse wasn't coming.......ARGH..... then, well maybe we can get some other trainer to come see the horse.......An hour and a half later......That trainer isn't coming after all......So, horse loaded back on trailer and home we go. After finally getting back to the USA it was 2:00. Time to go ride my own horse and my training horse......Back is ACHING so just lunge them both, promising to ride tomorrow. Then lesson shows up to teach and FINALLY, almost 12 hours in the cold with a sore back, home I go. I didn't take time for me today. I let others dictate my life. It is not good.

I did follow my meal plan. So even though I didn't exercise today I am hopeful that tomorrow we will at least hold steady. I am also trying not to get too excited about the amount I have lost and think that the results will continue at this rate. I know that my losses will vary and even fluctuate up and down, but for now I am happy for the motivation.

I have another PACKED day tomorrow. Barn work, Realty work and taking the kids to the theatre tomorrow night. I am going to rise early and do my treadmill at home so I don't miss workout again. This should hopefully give me adequate time at the barn to get my two horses ridden before noon. GRRRUMPPP!

Yipppeee the Scale is not Broken

186.8!!!!!!

No Budging

AARRGHHHH, my scale is not budging. I haven't lost an ounce yet. I have followed my diet to the LETTER. I am measuring and weighing all my food and I haven't even eaten one tiny morsel of food that is not authorized by my Doc. It is frustrating to say the least. I am showing a small loss from the weight at my Doc's and my weight at home first thing in the morning. But my 189 lbs. that I weighed day one at home is still the same. I am going to try to up my water intake and see if I get the scale to move a bit in the morning.

I am beginning to realize that much of my day used to revolve around food. Planning, making and enjoying eating. I need to develop some new habits or hobbies to fill the time and space in my life that food has taken.

I had my first visit at the pain clinic today. A two hour evaluation left with three possibilites as to the source of my pain. The doc is pretty interesting. He literally wrote the book on spinal pain and is very proud. He is also of Korean descent and has a southern accent....... I go next tuesday for my first diagnostic injections. It sounds fairly painful, but finding the source of my pain and "fixing" it are a priority. I am supposed to do things that make me sore between now and then so I show a good relief from the injections if he hits the right area. I hope he finds the problem on this first try (injecting my spinal facet joints) or I will have to do the same thing with the other structures that could be causing the problem.

Normally this visit would have sent me out for a scone and latte and a bunch of self pity. I resisted and ate my lunch protien bar and got a black coffee...... Not nearly as comforting as eating the scone, but I am determined to learn new habits.

Sunday Sunday

I ended last night with the determination that I need to PUT MYSELF FIRST. This involves not allowing myself to be overcommitted and letting my needs be a priority. I need the time to work out. I need the time to work with my own horse. This is all a part of becoming a healthier and happier person.

So, today when I was at the barn I took time with Diego. I didn't hurry through his work. I enjoyed myself. I rode him first, before I was stiff and sore and left my training horses for last. Today was a no workout day. I am pretty stiff from the last two days and need to recharge. I will hit the gym first thing tomorrow. I have an appointment with the pain med. doctors to see about injecting my hip or back. Hopefully they will be able to give me some relief.

Eating was good today.

Breakfast 180 cal. south beach diet bar
Lunch 180 cal. south beach diet bar
snack 1/3 c. ff cottage cheese (50 cal.)
Dinner taco time chop salad (210 cal.) with a cup of white chili (98 cal.)

just finished dinner and I am stuffed! My energy level was good all day. I get a bit hungry around 2:00 and taking the second half of my amino acids at that time seems to help me make it to dinner without cheating.

The scale this morning was still 189. I am hoping to see a few ounces loss every day (should lsoe 2-3 lbs a week at least). Not seeing the scale budge was a bit of a downer. Hopefully I will see a blip down tomorrow.