The Week in Retrospect....

One week down in my journey. In the last two days I have lost a small, small, small .2 lbs. Down is good and I expect I will have another, more significant drop if I stay focused on my eating. It has been interesting how emotional it has been to not have food to turn to. I am an emotional eater. I tend to reward myself with food. I had one of those "ah ha" moments yesterday. I was spending time with my horse and really enjoying myself. I tend to rush through his workouts or skip working him in favor of the horses I am obligated to work with.

I realized that I don't reward myself with doing the things that make me happy.

I don't take time with my kids or animals or husband which I love to do.

I over obligate myself and rush through life. People think I take good care of myself because I often spend money on "things" these things and food don't fill the emptiness inside me left by neglecting my relationships with those I love. I try to do for others to win accolades and think that by running myself ragged I will be happy. Doing this only seems to make others take you for granted and not make me happy or gain their respect and love.

I often feel alone and sad in my life. I am surrounded by people clamoring for my attention and asking for more more more more more. I feel empty and like there is nothing left inside me. When I get to this point I tend to shut down. I run from the people I need the most.

I am going to try this week to be more open to honesty in how I am feeling in my relationships. I am not going to obligate myself to do things that I physically and emotionally can't do. I am going to face the emotions that this makes me feel and not hide or drown them with food.

Eating less is easy, excising is simple. Dealing with the reasons we eat and leaving the comfort that the habit of eating has provided is so hard. If I can't wrestle this and succeed I will never triumph in this battle......