Second Dr.'s visit

I had my follow up visit with the Dr. yesterday. By his scale I had lost 5.8 lbs. Pretty good for one week. He cautioned that my average loss would be more in the 2-3lb range. He also wanted me to change the times that I take some of my supplements to see if I could be less hungry in the afternoons, my hungriest time. If that doesn't work, I am to try doubling my phentermine dose. I tried the supplement switch today and found my hunger to be about the same. It isn't horrid. I just get a bit preoccupied with what I am having for dinner and want it early. The funny thing is that when I start eating dinner I fill up pretty fast. I could only eat about half my salad tonight. It just lost all of it's appeal..... I have always been a member of the clean-plate club, so this is amazing to me.

Tomorrow I will keep with the supplement time switch and see what the effects are. Other than that, not much new. I am in love with the Proti protien bars they sell at the Dr.'s. They are delicious, 150 calories and 15 grams of protien. I had one of the otc protein bars I had left for breakfast and it was GAGGY. I choked it down because it is food and it wasn't cheap, but it was horrid.

food today:

180 cal protien bar
150 cal protien bar
90 cal chicken soup mix
200 cal. turkey
lettuce
tomato
pickled cauliflower
30 cal salad dressing
110 cal protien drink

Not bad for today. No workout. It is really hard to fit it in a weekend day!

The Week in Retrospect....

One week down in my journey. In the last two days I have lost a small, small, small .2 lbs. Down is good and I expect I will have another, more significant drop if I stay focused on my eating. It has been interesting how emotional it has been to not have food to turn to. I am an emotional eater. I tend to reward myself with food. I had one of those "ah ha" moments yesterday. I was spending time with my horse and really enjoying myself. I tend to rush through his workouts or skip working him in favor of the horses I am obligated to work with.

I realized that I don't reward myself with doing the things that make me happy.

I don't take time with my kids or animals or husband which I love to do.

I over obligate myself and rush through life. People think I take good care of myself because I often spend money on "things" these things and food don't fill the emptiness inside me left by neglecting my relationships with those I love. I try to do for others to win accolades and think that by running myself ragged I will be happy. Doing this only seems to make others take you for granted and not make me happy or gain their respect and love.

I often feel alone and sad in my life. I am surrounded by people clamoring for my attention and asking for more more more more more. I feel empty and like there is nothing left inside me. When I get to this point I tend to shut down. I run from the people I need the most.

I am going to try this week to be more open to honesty in how I am feeling in my relationships. I am not going to obligate myself to do things that I physically and emotionally can't do. I am going to face the emotions that this makes me feel and not hide or drown them with food.

Eating less is easy, excising is simple. Dealing with the reasons we eat and leaving the comfort that the habit of eating has provided is so hard. If I can't wrestle this and succeed I will never triumph in this battle......

Busy Day

I had one of those days today where you run around like a chicken with their head cut off and don't actually accomplish anything! I woke this morning, weighed (down another pound yippee!), went downstairs for my vitamins, pills and coffee and from there my day became the rush, rush, rush to nothing sort of day. I had an appointment to take a horse to Canada for some people to look at it. I rushed to get my daughter's hair fixed and outfit picked out before throwing clothes on myself and heading to the barn. I groomed the horse in question for one hour! She looked fabulous, then I waited....... The person trailering us up was running late, the friend going along for the ride was running late. Finally we arrive to find the trainers we were meeting weren't even at their facility yet......so we waited......When they finally arrived it was to tell us the client they had to try the horse wasn't coming.......ARGH..... then, well maybe we can get some other trainer to come see the horse.......An hour and a half later......That trainer isn't coming after all......So, horse loaded back on trailer and home we go. After finally getting back to the USA it was 2:00. Time to go ride my own horse and my training horse......Back is ACHING so just lunge them both, promising to ride tomorrow. Then lesson shows up to teach and FINALLY, almost 12 hours in the cold with a sore back, home I go. I didn't take time for me today. I let others dictate my life. It is not good.

I did follow my meal plan. So even though I didn't exercise today I am hopeful that tomorrow we will at least hold steady. I am also trying not to get too excited about the amount I have lost and think that the results will continue at this rate. I know that my losses will vary and even fluctuate up and down, but for now I am happy for the motivation.

I have another PACKED day tomorrow. Barn work, Realty work and taking the kids to the theatre tomorrow night. I am going to rise early and do my treadmill at home so I don't miss workout again. This should hopefully give me adequate time at the barn to get my two horses ridden before noon. GRRRUMPPP!

Tomorrow it ALL Begins

Today was my first appointment with my Bariatric Dr. It was pretty interesting. I am opting to go on a very low calorie diet to begin with (700-800 calories, YIKES!) so that I can see some quick results at least in the beginning. I am seriously embarking on this journey to gain some control over my health. Last year my weight had climbed from 140 to 170 when I started having chest pain. The doctors were stumped as to the reason and I was extremely stressed out. One month after the chest pain began I had an episode of transient retinal blindness. This episode didn't have any lasting effects, but for weeks I wondered If I would have another larger type of stroke that would kill me or leave me disabled. My stress caused out of control eating. My weight climbed to 190lbs. The doctors finally figured (through process of elimination) that I have a type of smooth muscle disease that causes random spasms. I was put on medication and the issues I was having are now under control. During the summer I began an intensive "boot camp" and diet. I was determined to lose some weight and feel like "myself" again. In two weeks I dropped 9 lbs. and was feeling great!

I was riding a training horse when he freaked out and bucked me off. I was kicked in the process and landed on my right hip. Months of prescription pain killers and again, eating eating eating put my weight back up to 190lbs. I have had chronic hip and back pain since the accident and I am DETERMINED to lose some of the excess weight. Losing the weight will hopefully help with my pain and allow me to regain my activity level. So here we go! I am going to follow this eating plan:

morning: 150 cal. protein bar

snack: 50 cal. protein drink

lunch: 150 calorie protein bar

snack: 50 calorie protein drink

dinner: lean meat, vegetable, salad, carb (total 300-400cal)

I am supplementing with fish oil, calcium, magnesium, potassium, multivitamin, amino acid supplement to increase my neurotransmitters (help feel full improve mood), and a prescription appetite suppressant.

The doc performed a body composition test ((I am 120lbs. lean body mass and the rest is pudge baby!), tested my hydration and performed an EKG. Everything looked good, so I am ok to try the low calorie diet. I am supposed to try to get 70 grams of protein a day to help prevent muscle loss. I had my "last meal" of chicken and noodles, a chocolate bar and peach pie with ice cream.....yeah, you see why I am at this weight;)

I also start my first day at the gym tomorrow. I am hoping to do some light cardio (as my back and hips allow) and some weight training.