Say Whhhaat?

Had my appointment with the nutritionist and exercise specialist at the Diet Doc. By their scales I was down another 6.6 lbs since my last appointment two weeks ago. So, I have been averaging a consistent 3.3bs a week! With the inability to exercises due to my ongoing back injections I am thrilled with the results. I have been staying off the scale at home and today when I stepped on my home scale I expected to see numbers in the 160's (I generally weigh less at home in the mornings than at my mid day appointments). Surprise Surprise Surprise. The scale showed 172! Huh? I guess I will stay off the scale to avoid confusion and just go with my focus on eating on the plan and moving around as much as I can!

EVERYTHING GOOD but smaller

I have been trucking away at this diet thing and doing quite well. I decided not to weigh myself these last two weeks and have just focused on eating right and trying to get a good amount of excercise. My clothes are getting loose (finally!) and I see a change in my shape. I will have to post new photos!

Down, Down, Down

The scale is down to 179.8lbs as of two days ago, sorry for no post. I have been STRUGGLING with severe back pain since my injections last tuesday. The pain is pretty intense at times and my activity level is curtailed to hobbling around and trying to ride one horse a day. I pushed to ride two horses on Saturday and really paid for it. Yesterday my pain was worse than it has been in months. Hopefully the pain will calm down this week and I can get back to some gentle working out. I may push myself to go to the gym tomorrow regardless of the pain. Some people seem to feel better if they make themselves work out.....I shudder to think If I feel any WORSE! I had my medial nerve branches injected and had some temporary relief in my left hip, but no pain relief in my back. The nerve branches are now protesting the invasion and could take 10 days to calm down. I have my SI joints injected on the 17th.....Hopefully that will be the spot to get rid of my pain. I don't look forward to the temporary injection wearing off and not feeling like I can even sit down. It seems hardly worth it, but I am going to try to ride it out in hopes tha a solution to my chronic pain will be found. I have been reading too much on the internet..... lots of stories of how the steriods they inject in your joints make you ravenously hungry. I am not sure that that isn't the scariest part. I don't want to get bloated and hungry from the steriods......I am working so hard to lose the weight now, I don't want anything to get in my way......I guess I will discuss that with the doc when the time comes......ARGHHHHH

Hormones and Weight....

As expected, I was suffering some PMS bloat, so I have decided to wait out my cycle to weigh myself again. Hopefully the hormones,water and weight will disappear as my cycle wanes. Aging and perimenopause add a whole new dimension to the weight loss battle. I have made a deal with myself. If I follow my eating plan without one tiny deviation (not a single skittle will cross my lips) I can forgo the daily weigh in for the next few days.

I have a definite mental block about journaling my food. I eat so little every day, it is depressing and makes me a little batty to have to write it down. I mean, if I cant remember bar, bar, drink, light dinner.... sheesh!

BLOAT

I am up a bit today, 185, I guess I am bloated! It will be interesting to see what the scale says in the morning. I also had almost no water yesterday, just diet soda, so I will hit the H2O hard.

Second Dr.'s visit

I had my follow up visit with the Dr. yesterday. By his scale I had lost 5.8 lbs. Pretty good for one week. He cautioned that my average loss would be more in the 2-3lb range. He also wanted me to change the times that I take some of my supplements to see if I could be less hungry in the afternoons, my hungriest time. If that doesn't work, I am to try doubling my phentermine dose. I tried the supplement switch today and found my hunger to be about the same. It isn't horrid. I just get a bit preoccupied with what I am having for dinner and want it early. The funny thing is that when I start eating dinner I fill up pretty fast. I could only eat about half my salad tonight. It just lost all of it's appeal..... I have always been a member of the clean-plate club, so this is amazing to me.

Tomorrow I will keep with the supplement time switch and see what the effects are. Other than that, not much new. I am in love with the Proti protien bars they sell at the Dr.'s. They are delicious, 150 calories and 15 grams of protien. I had one of the otc protein bars I had left for breakfast and it was GAGGY. I choked it down because it is food and it wasn't cheap, but it was horrid.

food today:

180 cal protien bar
150 cal protien bar
90 cal chicken soup mix
200 cal. turkey
lettuce
tomato
pickled cauliflower
30 cal salad dressing
110 cal protien drink

Not bad for today. No workout. It is really hard to fit it in a weekend day!

The Week in Retrospect....

One week down in my journey. In the last two days I have lost a small, small, small .2 lbs. Down is good and I expect I will have another, more significant drop if I stay focused on my eating. It has been interesting how emotional it has been to not have food to turn to. I am an emotional eater. I tend to reward myself with food. I had one of those "ah ha" moments yesterday. I was spending time with my horse and really enjoying myself. I tend to rush through his workouts or skip working him in favor of the horses I am obligated to work with.

I realized that I don't reward myself with doing the things that make me happy.

I don't take time with my kids or animals or husband which I love to do.

I over obligate myself and rush through life. People think I take good care of myself because I often spend money on "things" these things and food don't fill the emptiness inside me left by neglecting my relationships with those I love. I try to do for others to win accolades and think that by running myself ragged I will be happy. Doing this only seems to make others take you for granted and not make me happy or gain their respect and love.

I often feel alone and sad in my life. I am surrounded by people clamoring for my attention and asking for more more more more more. I feel empty and like there is nothing left inside me. When I get to this point I tend to shut down. I run from the people I need the most.

I am going to try this week to be more open to honesty in how I am feeling in my relationships. I am not going to obligate myself to do things that I physically and emotionally can't do. I am going to face the emotions that this makes me feel and not hide or drown them with food.

Eating less is easy, excising is simple. Dealing with the reasons we eat and leaving the comfort that the habit of eating has provided is so hard. If I can't wrestle this and succeed I will never triumph in this battle......